What NOW!

Hi mate. Here I am, sitting at my desk, 4.10 am on a very cold January morning. Its been over 6 weeks since you fuckin died, you bastard. 

I still can't get my head around it. How can you actually be dead? I mean, you were sitting up here just over 24 hours earlier chatting to me about all kinds of stuff. I've been told that when you went back downstairs and knocked on M's door, you seemed really upbeat. M & E both said that you were joking around & quite manic. 

I did actually think that you were coming back upstairs, but after waiting a bit, I went back to bed, as it was 3am or something silly like that. I think you woke me up at 12.50am. (very specific). 

You spoke about what would happen when you died and some of that stuff actually played out exactly how you imagined. Especially regarding what happened to your flat. I'm surprised the skirting boards haven't been ripped out. Imagine the staff at crack converters chatting during their tea break, "This bloke came in trying to sell light fittings and a used toilet seat. He seemed very jittery, almost like there was something very important he needed to do.". "Yesterday, he came in with the tv ariel cord." 

For sake of that particular exaggeration, I was trying to think of the one thing I normally see  when I visit a potential new room to live in. A tv ariel wire.

Vinnie is under my desk pressed up against my leg, staring at me. Loggie is still here as well. How come every time you fuck you, it costs me????? Still happening, even now your gone. Nob ed.

So, yep, Loggie is still here and I couldn't really find anywhere for him as yet. Not that I've put much effort in to be honest. He is asleep on the sofa (on my seat, cheeky bugger). Technically, your seat, cos you gave me the sofa, but its mine now, so there.

Your boy has been pretty good. He still can't be left alone without constantly Woofing. "WOOF"  "WOOF" "WOOF". I can hear him from the park. Him and Vin get on most of the time, but the do have their arguments, which kind of surprised me as they always got on so well in the past. I think they just spend so much time together, that occasionally they want to have a punch up to clear the dust.

My left shoulder is really aching today. I must have slept on it weirdly. Luckily I'm right handed so it won't ruin my love life.

I'll tell you more about what has happened since your demise, around here and in the world, later. Oh yeah, there was thing that would have interested you. There is a 16 year old darts player who made it to the world finals. He did amazing but ended up second. Huge amount of press for him. A lot of the papers keep going on about how old he looks, which is a bit rude. But he does look around 90. He had to have a nap between games. 

I shall go now, cos its time for my ready brek and coffffeeee. Yep, still having my regular breakfast. I am a man of habit. Apart from when I'm not.

So, that's it from me for now. I'm not even sure If I'll bother writing another one of these blogs, but I may do. I figured it would be a way of keeping our daily chats going. It may be a strange thing to do, but hey, I think I fit the bill for strange. So, take care. x

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1 comment

This is a wonderful idea. It’s good for you as you go on living with the loss of Luke.
I’d like this to continue ( if you have the time in your busy recording days/ nights ). You’re a really kind, honest man with a great sense of humour. You help so many people – be proud of yourself . Hope your day ahead is a good one , and the day after that and so forth. Very Best wishes, Chrissy xx


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